expressing emotions when you're all by yourself.

I was alone and walking through the tunnels to work (hello, yucky cold wet weather) along with all the other government drones walking through the tunnels to work, and I started to laugh, tried to suppress, snorted, and then pretended to cough.

I have discovered my love for electric windows and childproof window locks. Yesterday, driving to my mom's orchestra concert, sweet, unassuming Chrispy was in the passenger seat when I decided to roll down his window and then lock it. I laughed for a very long time (in fact, I'm laughing now). In the tunnel -- with the drones and the government and the working -- I thought of this again but imagined us on the interstate and the wind really gusting through his window and whipping his hair back, and that was genius and hilarious and I loved it. So I laughed.

But I was alone, so it was embarrassing to laugh, so I tried not to, which made it come out as a snort, which also embarrassed me, so I tried to save face by pretending to cough.

Later I thought about how stupid it is to be embarrassed to laugh just because I'm alone. We're not allowed to laugh or talk or sing or express any kind of emotion or thought unless other people are involved, because that would be ... WEIRD! Look at that person experiencing emotion when she's not in a group of people! Crazy!

You know what's actually crazy? That we think our minds go still and quiet just because we're not keeping company. That's weird and totally irrational. I've decided we get embarrassed about all the wrong things.

(Even though I've decided that, I'm still going to get embarrassed.)