be that.

Here is something that I like about myself: my lack of age issues. I'm getting older, and that's just fine. I think when people get all wonky about having birthdays, it's really about something else -- about what they've done or haven't done with their lives, or the ways in which they're dissatisfied with who they've become. That has nothing to do with age. Plus, it's totally fixable. You can set new goals, accomplish cool things, have new adventures, and become a better person at any age--if you choose to. And I choose to.

Choosing to has actually gotten easier, I think because the more I choose to, the more I learn how capable I am. And the more capable I become, the more I want to choose to. It's a pretty cool cycle that feeds itself once you set it in motion. Last year I learned that I'm capable of following a training schedule and running 12.4 miles (Dam to Dam). It made me realize I'm capable of following a training schedule and running 26 miles, so this year I'm going to train for my first marathon.

It doesn't have to be big stuff. Even relatively small stuff can have big impact. One of my proudest accomplishments of 35 was figuring out a lot of my food triggers (for my messed up guts) and then having the gumption to get rid of them (more or less). In the process of doing so, I developed a lot more respect and reverence for my body (which I understand sounds weird and slightly masturbatory, which I really don't mean).

Some accomplishments are much more... figurative. Watery? Harder to explain, for sure. One of the coolest things my mom has ever said to me is, "You're becoming more like yourself every day." It was several months ago, and I'd taken her with me to Woodward to Prairieland Herbs and Picket Fence Creamery. We drove in the country between two farms, and I told her how much it appealed to me, and I how I wanted to leave town and just live on open land and grow things and be quiet.

Maybe that isn't an obvious compliment, but I do think it's a significant accomplishment to figure out who you are at your purest level and then just go ahead and be that, unflinchingly, even if it isn't sophisticated or extraordinary or especially unique. Even if it doesn't mesh with the fantasy of yourself you'd created when you were 16. I know I do that much better and more consistently at the age of 36 than I did at the age of 26. I'm sure that at 46 I'll be even more like myself. And that's exciting, because I'm pretty okay.