yo mama don't live here

I shouldn't write when I'm cranky.

But I'm gonna.

First, I will say, as I have 14,000 times before (because I seem to revisit the same themes over and over) is that part of my soul plan is to learn how to let go... of lots of things, but they all likely boil down to perfection. I'm supposed to let go of the idea of perfection. Self, world, others... all imperfect. And that's okay.

I would like to amend that: Imperfection is okay. But it's not okay to just run around being a big jackass with no regard for Other People (They exist! And they really like it when you use your turn signal and say Please and Thank you.)

I've been wrestling with this idea of judgment, and how I really shouldn't--as an imperfect little wrinkled mess--cast it. I keep thinking I need to learn how to "go with the flow." But something about it just doesn't sit right.

And then... this was my Rob Brezsny horoscope last week, and I thought, my my my, what perfect timing, you tricky minx.

Taurus Horoscope for week of August 12, 2010

When they say "Go with the flow," what "flow" are they talking about? Do they mean the flow of your early childhood conditioning? The flow of your friends' opinions? The latest cultural trends? Your immediate instinctual needs? When they say "Go with the flow," are they urging you to keep doing what's easiest to do and what will win you the most ego points, even if it keeps you from being true to your soul's code? I'm here to ask you to consider the possibility that there are many flows to go with, but only one of them is correct for you right now. And in my opinion, it is flowing in an underground cavern, far from the maddening crowd.

Precisely! Which flow? Because I've been observing a lot of really asinine flows, and none of them seem like a very good idea. The trouble isn't the not-going-with-the-flowness; it's that I don't know how to observe asininestry, detach from it, and continue without angst. When I observe a complete lack of sense, to the point of destructiveness, I don't know how to: co-exist peaceably, resist the destructive flow, and/or point out the damage and demand change. I observe acts of disregard, and they stick in my craw, then I become kind of a jerk (which is ironic).

An example: driving to the fair Friday night, we were following a car with a specialty license plate with a U.S. flag and the words "God Bless America!" Two guys in front, smoking with the windows cracked. Little kid in back. Then, out the driver's window: an empty, crumpled cigarette box, tossed into the street. Few seconds later, out the passenger's window: another empty, crumpled cigarette box, tossed into the same street. And I thought, "Really? God Bless America? Just not this particular block of America's East Euclid? This particular block of America's East Euclid can suck it? But the rest? Bless that? God Bless America, but not the kid in your back seat who lives in it? God Bless My Trash? God Bless America, Mother Earth can bite me?" I grumbled angrily about it for many blocks, and felt genuinely... flummoxed. If you're going to drive around with bold exclamations on your bumper sticker, know what they mean, Jackass.

I mean, what is the right thing to do? What's the flow? Hey, okay, people throw trash. That's just the way it is, so don't get upset? But... it's not okay to throw your trash around. "Oh, it's just a cigarette box." How many people in the world, in a day, throw out a cigarette box? How many people throw out their fast food bags? A plastic water bottle? A pop can? A sink? It adds up! We don't live in isolation! And if we say okay now, when does it stop? Plus, what does that say about how you view yourself in comparison to the planet? That you are above it? That you are superior? And if you feel you are superior to the planet, and that your actions have no impact, what else will you do? What happens when the entire world implodes in the center of a giant mosaic of plastic bags and crumpled Lucky Strikes? It's not okay to treat the earth like your own personal toilet. It's just not!

So many things I see in a day, and I think, "Hey! That's not okay!" And some of them are so small. They are woes the width of a hair. But even things that are small are indicative of larger things. Like: not saying thank you when someone opens the door. Small. But big. It's how you view other people (if you view them at all). If you have so little regard for others that when they hold a door for you, you cannot muster a thank you, what else can you not muster to do? How will you treat people, on a larger scale, if you don't think they matter? It's the energy you feed the world. Don't feed the world your sucky, haughty, destructive energy, man! Be nice! Be respectful! Be cognizant!

I'm spending all this time telling myself, "don't judge. don't judge. don'tjudgedon'tjudgedon'tjudgedon'tjudge." But how can some things not be judged? Some things are really quite awful. Am I supposed to pretend they're not? Am I supposed to pretend I don't have opinions about basic, decent human behavior? Because, you know what I really want to do? I want to grab people by the shoulders, and I want to yell at them, "You! You are being an asshole!" I want to sit them down and point into their faces and say:

You. When you are at work... work. Give a crap. Show some integrity. Do it.

You. When someone honest and kind loves you, don't shit on them. Don't.

You. Cats have claws. Period. Stop yanking them out. That's cruel.

You. Stop treating your dog like a thing. Your dog is a gift and a teacher. Cherish, Jerk Face.

You. Stop cutting down all the trees and barfing your junk into the water. Stop mucking up the sky with your charcoal stick. Would you stab your mother in the eye with a fork?

You. Don't sleep with your best friend's ex. That's really bad taste.

You. With your anti-gay marriage rally. Your energy is going the wrong direction. This is foolishness. Lobby for love, respect, and responsibility. Lobby for not-jumping-shipped-ness-at-the-first-sign-of-trouble. Lobby for not-using-marriage-as-a-crutch-for-your-brokenness. Lobby for understanding the power and sacredness of marriage as a vehicle for soul growth and spiritual development. Watch what happens then.

You. With your arms full of plastic grocery bags. Forego your case of Mountain Dew and spring for a few reusable grocery totes. They cost $0.99 each. Have you looked at the ocean lately?Also, Mountain Dew is a horrible choice. Do you hate your own guts?

You. Wherever you're going, I'm pretty sure they have a trashcan. Would it kill you to hang onto that piece of crap until you get there?

You. Contribute.

You. How 'bout you spend the rest of your life trying really really hard not to toss your unexamined life garbage onto other people? Hey, you're not perfect. You'll screw up. But when you do? Apologize. Mean it. And then clean up your mess. Yo mama doesn't live here.

That's what I want to say. But I'm too busy apologizing and cleaning up my messes. My mama doesn't live here.