i like to make things.

It is the last day of my stay-cation, and I feel nervous. It's already 7:48 a.m. Last days of any-cations always go too fast. I will blink and it will be 7:48 p.m. So much pressure to enjoy each moment. This one! Enjoy this one! Focus, P! I froth when I discover moments have passed, and I've missed them, let them slip unacknowledged. I am sweaty and wild-eyed with moment-marking.

An exaggeration. Really, I'm just eating yogurt and fruit and drinking some coffee. But I really do feel nervous, and I really do keep looking at the clock. 7:52. Dammit!

I know that I do not want to spend all day flitting around online. I will make music and make pictures and make food and make stretching of IT Bands. I like to make things. I like to make things more than anything else. I want to spend all day making things. All day. Not just part of the day. Not just periodic 4-day stay-cations. Songs, stories, poems, dinners, pictures. My soul likes it. Craves it. I dare say, I was designed to make stuff, sometimes it's crap, but the process--I was born for that. I also like to make messes. Sometimes I even like to make things clean, but please don't tell my husband.

There is never enough time to make all the things I want to make. And that makes me so awfully nervous.

7:56.